Thoughts on Parents and Children
Posted on Jun 29th, 2008
by 
Kyle
Kyle
I approach the parent-child relationship with a "pay-it-forward" attitude. What is a child, but an extension of their parents? A child is half the mother, and half the father. So children are really the continuation of their parents. With this in mind then, does it not make sense that parents should do all in their power to ensure that their children go on to be happy and strong? Because then they'll be happy and strong through them.
Children should not have to pay their parents back. They should pay it forward. The children should grow to be adults, and then give the same amount to their children. In this way, we can live forever, through our children. Sapping the strength from our children is as foolish as cutting off a limb, and has the same repercussions. To expect anything in return from children other than to grow and be happy and good is self-destructive. And a child accomplishing these things should be repayment enough. Parents should also understand that they might not agree with what makes their child happy. Maybe the son wants to join the Peace Corps, but his father wants him to be a lawyer. But to force his son to do what he wants is not only selfish, it's hurting himself as well. Granted, there are exceptions. when a child wants to watch another hour of television at midnight and has school the next day, I'm not saying the parents should just let them. What I am saying, is that parents should strive to make their children strong, happy, and good, and if that means their child doing something they don't necessarily agree with, they should agree because that's what the child wants to do. Because when I child can make that decision, they're not really children anymore. They've become their own independent being, and they deserve to see the world for themselves. If you hold a child too tight, you squeeze the life out of them, and as a result, yourself.
I remember a fable about a mother gorilla and her sons. She had four sons, three who were full grown, and a fourth who was still young. Every day the three older ones would go out and play, and the fourth would want to come too. But every time, the mother would say, "It's too dangerous! There are mean animals that could kill you, or you could fall on your head and die!" And so this went on for many years. The fourth would try to leave, but the mother would hold him tight. The harder the fourth fought, the tighter the mother would hold him.
Then one day, The three older gorillas were leaving for their daily play, and the fourth wanted to go again. The fourth fought the hardest he had ever fought, but he couldn't break free.
When the three older gorillas returned, they found their youngest brother dead in the mother's arms. She had suffocated him and he had died, without ever really living. And the mother was so stricken with grief that her favorite had died, that she died instantly upon realizing what she had done.
Yet despite all of this, it's not like I'm condoning being disrespectful to parents. It's no excuse to be rude, or talk back, or to abandon them in their times of need. Good human beings help each other. Don't misunderstand me and think I want children to just leave their parents and never talk to them ever again. I suppose you must find a delicate balance. Your parents should be proud you're happy and doing what you want, and you should let them know how grateful you are to them that they sacrificed themselves for you. But I personally would be ashamed to have to rely on my children. And yet, I cannot think of not helping my parents when I'm older and well-off. This is very much an Asian mentality. Asian parents work so hard for their children, but they're embarrassed when they need money or help from them. And so is the reality of things.
Children should not have to pay their parents back. They should pay it forward. The children should grow to be adults, and then give the same amount to their children. In this way, we can live forever, through our children. Sapping the strength from our children is as foolish as cutting off a limb, and has the same repercussions. To expect anything in return from children other than to grow and be happy and good is self-destructive. And a child accomplishing these things should be repayment enough. Parents should also understand that they might not agree with what makes their child happy. Maybe the son wants to join the Peace Corps, but his father wants him to be a lawyer. But to force his son to do what he wants is not only selfish, it's hurting himself as well. Granted, there are exceptions. when a child wants to watch another hour of television at midnight and has school the next day, I'm not saying the parents should just let them. What I am saying, is that parents should strive to make their children strong, happy, and good, and if that means their child doing something they don't necessarily agree with, they should agree because that's what the child wants to do. Because when I child can make that decision, they're not really children anymore. They've become their own independent being, and they deserve to see the world for themselves. If you hold a child too tight, you squeeze the life out of them, and as a result, yourself.
I remember a fable about a mother gorilla and her sons. She had four sons, three who were full grown, and a fourth who was still young. Every day the three older ones would go out and play, and the fourth would want to come too. But every time, the mother would say, "It's too dangerous! There are mean animals that could kill you, or you could fall on your head and die!" And so this went on for many years. The fourth would try to leave, but the mother would hold him tight. The harder the fourth fought, the tighter the mother would hold him.
Then one day, The three older gorillas were leaving for their daily play, and the fourth wanted to go again. The fourth fought the hardest he had ever fought, but he couldn't break free.
When the three older gorillas returned, they found their youngest brother dead in the mother's arms. She had suffocated him and he had died, without ever really living. And the mother was so stricken with grief that her favorite had died, that she died instantly upon realizing what she had done.
Yet despite all of this, it's not like I'm condoning being disrespectful to parents. It's no excuse to be rude, or talk back, or to abandon them in their times of need. Good human beings help each other. Don't misunderstand me and think I want children to just leave their parents and never talk to them ever again. I suppose you must find a delicate balance. Your parents should be proud you're happy and doing what you want, and you should let them know how grateful you are to them that they sacrificed themselves for you. But I personally would be ashamed to have to rely on my children. And yet, I cannot think of not helping my parents when I'm older and well-off. This is very much an Asian mentality. Asian parents work so hard for their children, but they're embarrassed when they need money or help from them. And so is the reality of things.
Access: Public
children
June 2008 